Grief and Mourning

The most recent focus of our reading covered the subjects of dying, death, and grief. In conjunction with my recent volunteer training at Hospice and the reading for this week, the focus of this blog will be the areas of grief and mourning. As the authors, Wedding and Stuber state, grief and mourning are natural emotional healing mechanisms (p. 85) that promote a return to normal living after a person experiences the loss of a loved one.

This section was of particular interest because I have just completed 11-1/2 hours of Hospice training for helping terminally ill patients and their families deal with the process of grief and mourning. Last night there were five volunteers who have each worked for Hospice for 20-35 years. Hoppice offers bereavement counseling to the care givers and families of their patients.Their accounts and memories of the patients that have touched them and who in turn they were blessed to have known, was moving beyond explanation with words. In line with our text the processes they described were the initial or acute grief and intense emotional distress, followed by the three stages of mourning that take place after the acute grief. The three stages of mourning as described by John Bowlby are: protest, despair and finally detachment.

The initial phase of protest is a normal, expected, and spontaneous reaction of disbelief. The second phase of despair is the realization that their loved one is indeed gone, which may lead to floating anxiety and depression. It is believed that this step is necessary for the stage that will lead to resolution of their loss. The final stage of mourning is a time when the mourner reorients his/her focus from the lost loved one to other people and activities until they reach a point of acceptance of the loss and resume normal function. Bowlby summarizes that the process usually takes from three to 12 months. As the experienced volunteers pointed out last night, this varies from person to person taking into account different situations. An example mentioned was one patient who lost her husband and son within a few hours of one another. When the families are able to witness and accept death as a normal part of life and the patient is treated with dignity and respect during their transition from life to death, the progression of grief and mourning can be very healthy, so much so that many have described it as a time of intense spirituality and closness with the patient and with God.